LIUS 5th. Nov.
telephone Habit ~~
Today we returned again to the list of ‘300 ways for foreigners to tell if they’ve been in China too long’. We talked about telephone habits. It seems that many Chinese people have the habit of spending a few minutes in ’small talk’ before getting to the point of the conversation. Kevin said that he does not share this habit, and that it will not be common among close friends, and that it is only be used in business or formal situations. But actually I disagree.
Firstly, I frequently find that friends, in China, will begin conversations with something trivial such as, ‘Where are you now?’ or ‘What are you doing now?’ (NB especially girls, I have to say.) For me, this is quite annoying, since I think, ‘Clearly you did not telephone me simply to discover where I am, or what I am doing. There must be some purpose for the call, some information you wish to communicate to me, or some information you wish to acquire from me.’ Therefore I find this aimless chit-chat quite frustrating.
Secondly, in a business situation, I will not think it is appropriate to start asking such personal questions, or chatting as if one has an intimate friendship with the other person. But this is a major east/west difference: in China the boundaries between business and pleasure are often blurred. [For example, dinner meetings are an important way to develop 'guan xi'. But in the west, both sides generally feel more comfortable keeping the business and the socialising completely separate.]
We also discussed how a westerner will prefer to give his mobile telephone number only to close friends, but will give his home number to people who are less close, such as workmen, to make appointments, etc. [Of course, one's close friends will all also have one's home number.] But in China it is the opposite: one only gives one’s home number to one’s very best friends, whereas one’s mobile number is for everyone.
Another thing… (we didn’t mention this in the show) I find it annoying when I telephone someone, and the first question I am asked is, ‘Who are you?’ Of course, if I am speaking to a boss’s secretary, or something like that, then that is fine. That is her job, and that is professional. [But in that case, I would have already announced myself at the beginning of the telephone call: 'Hello. I am Edward Morton Jack. Could I speak to ... '] But if it is a personal call, to someone’s home, and another family member answers the telephone, I don’t feel that I ought to have to explain myself. If the person I want is not there, then the person who answers the telephone can say, ‘Would you like to leave a message?’ But it seems that most people are just nosy, and they will do their best to ascertain who has telephoned, even if it’s none of their business. But of course, everyone knows that family relationships are different in China compared to the west.
- Edward Morton Jack